by Dr. Ken Matto
Coming to the point of accepting your singleness will allow you to experience a freedom in the service of Christ. When one refuses to accept their single state, it sets a Christian in a state of bondage which will have heavy effect upon their life as a Christian. At this juncture I wish to discuss some of the freedoms which will develop in your life only if you will accept your singleness and not reject it.
When a person refuses to accept their single life, they tend to focus on a spousal search. A spousal search may be all consuming because everything we do or every event we attend will always be under the umbrella of searching for a mate. This limits our vision, creativity, and our ability to be useful to others. If we will focus on Christ as our source of life instead of a spouse, He will ably fill any void we have. The phrase "lonely Christian" is really an oxymoron. If a Christian is lonely, it is normally by their own design. Loneliness, like depression, is generated when a person begins to focus on themselves, and in time they realize how inadequate they are to control their life.
If a person focuses on themselves, failure will come, especially if you are a Christian because God cannot allow any of His children to live independent of Him. If a Christian is lonely, many times it can be traced back to a conscious decision that was made. The simple way to reverse loneliness is to focus on the person of Christ, and place your entire being in His capable hands. 1 Peter 5:7: "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you."  Focusing on Christ will get the focus off us. When this is done in sincerity, loneliness will flee.
Frees Your Mind
If you accept your single state which God has put you in, it frees up your thought process. This is important because every move we make, whether sinful or obedient, is first prepared in the mind. When the cloak of self-centeredness is removed from the mind, it clears up our thinking, and we then become "right thinking Christians," in which God can now use in His work. When a person’s mind is focused upon themselves, they have little or no concern for others, but when our minds are focused on Christ, we are liberated to do the things of God without any mental barriers.
Opens Doors of Opportunity
When you accept your single state, it gives you a clearer picture of opportunities that are before you, in contrast to seeing things through a clouded mind. You will begin to look at the needs of others with a clear understanding. You do have a part in the Great Commission.
Builds Trust In God
When we accept anything the Lord gives us, we build trust and confidence in Him. Once we have begun to build a level of confidence in God, we will also see ourselves complaining less. We realize that God is not out to destroy us, but is building our faith and character. As we continue to grow in Him, our self-desires will be exchanged for a desire to know God better. Once this happens, we grow in our Christian walk and as a growing Christian single we will become lights to those who walk in darkness and we can help free our Christian brothers and sisters from the chains of self.
Accepting Yourself
Many single Christian wonder if there is something wrong with them because they do not have a spouse. I thought this way for a long time because I wasn’t tall and skinny (I’m still not), but God showed me the flesh means nothing to Him. What I mean by that is that God does not care what you look like, because He has placed spiritual gifts and talents in every believer and He wants us to develop them. Every single believer is part of the mighty army of the living God as well as every married believer. (1 Samuel 17:26)
Do not believe the theory that just because a person is married, they possess more wisdom than you. God doles out His wisdom to believers for them to handle different situations. The married person has wisdom to handle situations pertaining to marriage, while the single has wisdom to handle situations pertaining to the single life. Neither group is favored with a higher level of wisdom. Satan also tries to snare the single believer into believing they are less than qualified because of some type of body malady. Satan quenches many single Christians with this strategy. He did it to me for a while but God’s truth can easily override Satan’s base strategies.
Will Help Avoid a Disastrous Marriage
If a person refuses to accept their singleness, they may decide to marry the first person that comes along. This type of marriage could end in disaster. Pressure marriages always start with the wrong reason and end in great consternation. If a person believes they have pressures and frustrations before this type of marriage, wait until it ends, you may wind up physically sick and spiritually distraught. Avoid pressure dating and you will avoid many troubles.
Accepting our singleness will give us a great leap forward in our Christian walk. It calms our fears by making us realize that it is God who has planned our life and that we may trust His wisdom. We have faith in God with great confidence as Paul records in Philippians 1:6:
(Phil 1:6 KJV) Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
Being single no longer carries with it the stigma of being odd. Oh, we will still get ribbing from our family and friends, especially parents who want to see their grandchildren. But we remain confident that God knows what He is doing when it comes to our lives, since He knows us better than we know ourselves. Isn’t it better that absolute wisdom run our lives than emotionally sin-tainted wisdom. If you are having trouble accepting your singleness, then ask the root question, "Is it really God that I do not trust?" Singleness is not a curse but it can be a blessing. Learn the liberating secret of being a single Christian by reading and appropriating the Scriptures and avoiding the world’s definitions. The world is passing away but we are not.